As parents, we all want to raise kids who are smart and focused, especially in a world where digital distraction seems to be inescapable. (Even tech titans like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have strategies for limiting their children's screen time.)
Why? Because in the future, there will be two kinds of people in the world: Those who let their attention and lives be controlled and coerced by others and those who proudly call themselves "indistractable."
Becoming indistractable is most important skill for the 21st century — and it's>Teach them at a young age
When my daughter was five and already insisting>Consumer skepticism is healthy
We also explained that the apps and videos data-test=”Pullquote”>Understanding that companies are motivated to keep kids spending time watching or playing is an important part of teaching media literacy.
It's important that our kids understand the motives of the gaming companies and social networks: While these products sell us fun and connection, they also profit from our time and attention.
This might seem like a lot to teach a five-year-old, but we felt a strong need to equip her with the ability to make decisions about her screen usage and enforce her own rules.
Kids need sufficient amounts of autonomy
We then asked her how much screen time per day she thought was good for her. We took a risk by giving her the autonomy to make the decision for herself, but it was worth a shot.
Truthfully, I expected her to say, "All day!" But she didn't. Instead, armed with the logic behind why limiting screen time was important and with the freedom to decide in her hands, she sheepishly asked for "two shows." Two episodes of a kid-appropriate program data-test=”Pullquote”>Becoming indistractable is the most important skill for the 21st century — and it's>Prevent distraction with 'effort pacts'
Today, as a spirited 10-year-old, my daughter is still in charge of her screen time. She's made some adjustments to her self-imposed guidelines as she's grown, such as trading daily episodes for a weekend movie night. She's also replaced the kitchen timer with other tools; she now calls out to Amazon's Alexa to set a timer to let her know when she's reached her limit.
The important thing is that these are her rules, not ours, and that she's in charge of enforcing them. Best of all, when her time is up, it's not her dad who has to be the bad guy; it's her device telling her she's had enough.
Without realizing it, she entered into an "effort pact," a kind of pre-commitment that involves increasing the amount of effort required to perform an undesirable action.
Don’t underestimate your child’s ability to follow through.
This type of pre-commitment can help us become indistractable. Many parents want to know if there is a correct amount of time kids should be allowed to spend>Discussions and respectful disagreements are healthy
The most important thing is to involve the child in the conversation and help them set their own rules. When parents impose limits without their kids' input, they are setting them up to be resentful and incentivizing them to cheat the system.
These strategies are no guarantee of parent-child domestic harmony. In fact, we should expect to have heated discussions about the role technology plays in our homes and in our kids' lives, just as many families have fiery debates over giving the car keys to their teens data-test=”Pullquote”>It’s only when kids can monitor their own behavior that they learn the skills they need to be indistractable — even when their parents aren’t around.
If there's one lesson to take away from this, it's that distraction is a problem like any other. Whether in a large corporation or in a small family, when we discuss our problems openly and in an environment where we feel safe and supported, we can resolve them together.
One thing is for certain: Technology is becoming more pervasive and persuasive. While it's important our kids are aware that products are designed to be highly engaging, we also need to reinforce their belief in their own power to overcome distraction. It's their responsibility — as well as their right — to use their time wisely.
